Abandoned First Love

I fell in love again yesterday. No, not with a Brazilian. My first love, Jesus Christ. iTunes was playing on random last night and I stumbled upon an old favorite by Jars of Clay "Worlds Apart."

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

Take my world apart
I am on my knees
Take my world apart
Broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

I realize that the only fuel I'll have for a life of ministry is the fuel that the beloved Son provides. No husband, child, hobby, or friend will measure up to the fulfillment that Christ has given me thus far. I am overwhelmed by this feeling sometimes. There have been times where I am clouded with worries of tomorrow. There are days where I ponder upon all the hard questions about God that I may never find an answer to in this life time. But somehow, this undeserved love I receive everyday produces this faith that assures me. "Hannah, I never said that it would be easy, I only said you'd never go alone."

I've been reading through Acts, and came upon the part where Paul was in Ephesus and he was about to depart from them (Ch. 20). His farwell message was rich in urges for them to shepherd their congregation well to and to stay doctrinally pure. The book of Ephesians even opens with another reminder to take good care of the body of Christ in feeding, resting, directing, and applying. But then you turn to Revelations 2 in the seven letters to the churches, and God has this message for them:

"I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first."

My prayer for myself and for all people in the field of ministry, that despite all the toil, work, and effort, we would never fall into the lie that work is what wins the favor of our merciful God. I pray that we would remind ourselves daily of why we do what we do, and that is because Jesus who took on our inadequacy to work toward salvation, our depravity and sin and conquered it all with death on a cross. That's what's getting me through this summer. I hope the same for you...

Here are the shots I promised in the last blog:

We were given these half sheets of origami and we were told to put our wish on it.

Then they proceeded to give us instructions on how to fold them.

They're so you can connect them. They're collecting like a million of these to create a huge Japanese-Brazilian flag.

I got a little bored...

Connect like so...


We were occupied with assorted performances too. This was the least of the cheesy ones.

Pray for me tonight as I speak to the youth group. Just like American youth, they're pretty aimless and live two different lives in and out of church.

Ate Mais!
Hanny